It is general knowledge that skiing has become a very treacherous
activity including numerous deaths over the years. It can no longer be
tolerated that the expenses incurred by the Federal Government and the
financial pressure skiing adds to the already limited healthcare resources of
the Obamacare system, that something must be done immediately to curb the
financial hardship. So it is with a heavy heart HHS is closing down all ski
resorts in Colorado.
There have been numerous inquiries into the recent HHS panel’s
review of the boating industry. The facts are still being reviewed and the
restrictions remain in place until a final order is issued. Those restrictions
include all 50 states and cover recreational boating only. They cover both
boats and jet skis. Commercial fishing boats for the time being are exempt. These
restrictions include absolutely no water skiing, knee boarding, tubing or
boating in excess of 5 MPH. Fines include the confiscation of all watercraft
and up to $1000.00 fines on each individual in the watercraft.
The decision to ban off road vehicles and skidoo’s remains in effect.
HHS believes they have saved numerous lives and reduced the cost of healthcare
injuries by .0002%. This represents a significant reduction in real dollars.
Any persons caught using a snowmobile or driving off road vehicles will be subject to 30 days in prison and
fines of up to $5000.00 per person. Those fines will be used to support the
recent 3% salary increases of HHS personnel. They have been forced to work
overtime due to the hiring freezes put in place to allow the hiring of new
doctors who must be shipped in from India since no Americans are applying to
medical school. The recent decline in American students choosing medical school
is being reviewed by a special panel of bureaucrats and the results will be
communicated at the annual convention in the Spring of next year.
HHS wishes to thank all of its employees for all of their
hard work during these difficult times. All of these new regulations have really
increased the workload of this agency of over 20,000 employees.
In other news; American businesses have closed up shop and
moved to Singapore and New Zealand. This has put additional pressure on the
treasury that will need to print additional dollars to make up for all of the
lost productivity due to the 1% leaving…
Laugh now because soon we will all be crying.
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