Monday, July 2, 2012

Federal Government Orders Colorado Ski Resorts Closed

It is general knowledge that skiing has become a very treacherous activity including numerous deaths over the years. It can no longer be tolerated that the expenses incurred by the Federal Government and the financial pressure skiing adds to the already limited healthcare resources of the Obamacare system, that something must be done immediately to curb the financial hardship. So it is with a heavy heart HHS is closing down all ski resorts in Colorado.

There have been numerous inquiries into the recent HHS panel’s review of the boating industry. The facts are still being reviewed and the restrictions remain in place until a final order is issued. Those restrictions include all 50 states and cover recreational boating only. They cover both boats and jet skis. Commercial fishing boats for the time being are exempt. These restrictions include absolutely no water skiing, knee boarding, tubing or boating in excess of 5 MPH. Fines include the confiscation of all watercraft and up to $1000.00 fines on each individual in the watercraft.

The decision to ban off road vehicles and skidoo’s remains in effect. HHS believes they have saved numerous lives and reduced the cost of healthcare injuries by .0002%. This represents a significant reduction in real dollars. Any persons caught using a snowmobile or driving off road vehicles will be subject to 30 days in prison and fines of up to $5000.00 per person. Those fines will be used to support the recent 3% salary increases of HHS personnel. They have been forced to work overtime due to the hiring freezes put in place to allow the hiring of new doctors who must be shipped in from India since no Americans are applying to medical school. The recent decline in American students choosing medical school is being reviewed by a special panel of bureaucrats and the results will be communicated at the annual convention in the Spring of next year.

HHS wishes to thank all of its employees for all of their hard work during these difficult times. All of these new regulations have really increased the workload of this agency of over 20,000 employees.

In other news; American businesses have closed up shop and moved to Singapore and New Zealand. This has put additional pressure on the treasury that will need to print additional dollars to make up for all of the lost productivity due to the 1% leaving…

Laugh now because soon we will all be crying.

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